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  • Writer's pictureRachael Scarr

Constant Change

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“The only constant in life is change.” - Heraclitus (Greek Philosopher)

How are you all doing?

It’s a lot, isn’t it?

We’ve just started adapting to a certain way of life, and now we’re on the cusp of being asked to re-adapt to a previous, but somewhat evolved way of life.

Seemingly familiar, but frighteningly unknown.

You’re allowed to feel mixed emotions. I certainly do.

Loss of job. Change of finances. Halted dreams. Domestically bound. Change of environment. Switched living accommodations. Increased family time. Close quarters. Fluctuating freedom. Threatening sickness. Traumatic whiplash. Unfathomable circumstances. Purposeful connections. Inward reflection. Creative grief. Creative awakening. Energy shifts. Weight gain. Social adjustments. Experiencing claustrophobia. Dispelling anxiety. Relying on faith. New terms and conditions. Re-entering hospitality. Multiple changes in schedule. Varying levels of fear. Outdoor work conditions. Maintaining sanity. Losing composure. Questioning purpose. Shifting gears. Learning new things. Exploring outlets. Intentional conversation. Expanding restrictions. Unknown outcomes. Leaping in faith. Physical draining. New source of income. Another change of environment. Rocky ground. Inflating independence. Room to breathe. Hopeful outlook. Demanding schedule. Racing thoughts. Uncertain times. Building anticipation. Waterlogged tear ducts. Unrest. Lots of rest.

What a year.

What a…fourteen months and counting.

So. Much. Change.

I think, as humans, it can be really hard when we hold ourselves (and others for that matter) to one particular version of self that we know, or feel most comfortable with.

We hold ourselves to a standard or set of expectations. An elevated version of self that is either completely impossible to achieve, or once existed circumstantially, but is completely impossible to repeat.

Both scenarios being impossible. And both scenarios leading to guilt-ridden shame and unfathomable disappointment when they are inevitably unmet.

In doing so, we stifle change. We are suggesting (and hoping) that change does not exist.

However, we know, that change is, in fact, the only constant on which we can rely.

So why set ourselves (and others) up for such failure?

They say that when you marry someone in your 20s or 30s, you are not only marrying the current version of them, but also the many future versions of them to come (of which there will be many). There have to be many. Humanity is evolution. And evolution is change. Plain and simple. Nothing stays the same. So how can we expect our partner to?

This is where vows come into play. Promises. Understandings. Leaps of faith.

Yes, it’s scary. But, it’s life.

Just as we exhibit grace, and promise to hold space in our hearts, for future versions of our loved ones, we need to do the same for our inner (and outer) selves.

Circumstances change.

Curveballs are thrown.

Lessons are learned.

Dreams are shifted.

Life. Happens.

This last year, life has happened.

Congratulations! You are living proof that change exists.

The very lifeblood behind seasons, and birthdays, and growth, and accomplishment. Without change, sure, the pain of life wouldn’t exist…but neither would the beauty.

I am right there with you all. Living through this. Feeling through this. All of this. Every single second. Every single change.

As difficult as this past year has been, I am grateful for the many positives it has brought me. As painful as certain moments in life can be, I am grateful for the beauty it brings.

For there is always beauty.

And we must look for and hold onto it.

This blog has been an incredibly positive (and necessary) outlet for me. One of creativity, autonomy, exploration, and catharsis. It has been my art.

And as an artist, who’s primary art form was taken away, this blog has been my ventilator, keeping my soul alive.

I want to encourage you, that as humans are allowed to adapt and change, our artwork (our emotional expression) is also allowed to adapt and change.

Art not only imitates life, breathing and feeling along side of us, but it also creates life, bringing existence to what otherwise might not have been.

These last two and a half months have been hard for me.

As you can see, I haven’t written.

I’ve been overwhelmed. I’ve been underwhelmed. I’ve been over-stimulated. I’ve been exhausted. I’ve felt free. But, I’ve also felt blocked.

I’ve been living in this constant state of change that we currently find ourselves in, allowing it to paralyze me.

But I’m learning, that it is only paralyzing if we fight it. If we refuse to accept the change. To feel it and adapt. If we hold ourselves back to our original standards and ideas of “perfection” we once created, instead of letting our future selves take hold and turn us, and our lives, into what we are meant to be.

What once existed, no longer has to exist.

What once worked, no longer has to work.

You can change. Your life can change. Your circumstances and goals and dreams and expectations can change.

They can, because they have to.

Vow to love every single version of yourself forevermore. It is the most important thing you will ever do.

So, in the spirit of accepting change, I am embracing the new life heading my way. I don’t know what it looks like, but I know I’m excited to find out.

This blog is important to me. A lifeline when I had none. It will still be a part of my life, as expressing myself through words is (and will always be) a part of my identity.

However, I am open to it looking different. The standards I once had and put in place for myself no longer have to exist. After all, perfect is a lie and art is never perfect.

Therefore, art can only be truth.

My frequency on here may fluctuate. Weekly postings may turn to monthly. Monthly postings may turn to daily. My art will live and breathe as I do, changing with the times. And I vow to love it (and myself) in all states.

I thank you all for your support.

For feeling and existing with me.

We are all in this journey together.

Every step of the way.

Remember to grant yourself grace. Breathe, in times of uncertainty and change. And constantly, leap in faith.

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