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With every new year comes a refreshing. Automatically. There’s an air of renewal with the shift of the calendar, and with that, inevitably, comes new vision. New hopes and dreams for the year ahead.
A few weeks ago, I wrote about my word of the year. I definitely find I am most successful when I have one word to focus on throughout the year, centering my goals and ambitions around it, as opposed to focusing on hard and fast resolutions. However, with my word, my theme, also comes goal-setting. Actionable items that are obtainable and fit into said theme.
The end of 2020 for me was a lot of scattered energy. Ideas, thoughts, inspirations, check lists…but none of it seemed to have a direction. It was really hard for me to fully focus and find structure in those last few months. (There was also all the craziness of holiday planning, holiday shopping, and, oh yeah, Covid.) So, heading into 2021, with the theme of POWER in tow…I was severely desiring to find my “flow”. (I did not mean for that to rhyme, but I’ll take it. Hah.)
Flow: (noun) the action or fact of moving along in a steady, continuous stream.
2020 was the year of no flow. The year of unsteady. The year of discontinuous. Nothing was normal and nothing was settled.
I guess that’s why, heading into a new year, a “fresh start,” I was craving the continuous, the steady, the flow once more.
To me, this looked like tapping into exorbitant amounts of energy, crossing everything off my to-do lists every single day, maintaining a steady routine when it came to my mornings and my work, constantly creating, and constantly being positive. Hitting my stride and never looking back!
Doesn’t that sound glorious? Isn’t that what we all strive for? Isn’t that the standard we’re always holding ourselves to and making ourselves feel guilty about if we don’t achieve it?
Overall, my first week of 2021 was incredibly productive. I felt strong, I felt powerful, I felt calmer and more grounded. I definitely started finding a rhythm. (My new planners and notebooks helped me incredibly with this by providing many different outlets and visuals for me to organize my many scattered thoughts. I highly recommend Passion Planner by the way, if you’re in the market - thanks for the fabulous Christmas present babe!) Looking at the grand scheme of things for that week, I was making moves and kicking butt.
However, if you look at the day-to-day of it, I was thrown many a curveball. Many a disruption to my “flow”. I was a bit mentally and physically drained heading into the first of the year. I still remained scattered on some of the scheduling minutia of my new blog and Instagram page, and was anxious because of it. I was incredibly sleepy Monday morning after a fabulous and fulfilling weekend with my boyfriend. I was getting emotionally triggered every time I listened to T. Swift’s new Folklore album (my fav album to play as of late) after watching her INCREDIBLY inspiring documentary on Disney+ - which is a must, must, must-see, I’m telling you (but bring the tissues)! Some of my social plans got jostled and turned around last minute. I was too wired, inspired, or tired (that one I did intend) to go to sleep at a decent time most nights. The world seemed to be imploding and I couldn’t not watch or get frustrated, sad, and depressed watching the news. AND I had the most horrible cramps two days in a row - forcing me to stay in bed with a heating pad on much longer than I wanted to.
Very. Disjointed. “Flow”.
In one of my daily walks throughout the week (a new favorite tradition of mine - read more on it here), I was wandering the streets and pondering this idea of “flow”. I think we so often see “flow” as this idea of hitting our stride. Of finding our pace and sticking to it without pulling back or letting go. We see it as that “steady, continuous stream” of productivity, of success, of positivity, of structure, and we get locked into that idea…all the while, failing to see the other side of the coin.
Oxford Dictionary’s secondary definition of flow goes as follows…
Flow: (noun) a steady, continuous stream of something
Mind. Blown.
Here I am, thinking that in order to find my “flow”, it has to be and feel perfect. (Huh, a perfectionist desiring perfectionism…interesting.) Forcing myself to feel guilty and unaccomplished if my day, my week, my month, my year doesn’t go as planned or as intended - if the curveballs are thrown my way and if the routine is interrupted - affecting my concept of “flow”.
But that’s not it. Flow isn’t moving in a continuous stream of productivity and positivity…it’s moving in a continuous stream of something. And that something is your life. The downs, the lows, the curveballs, the frustrations, the cramps…those are all part of life, and they are INEVITABLE. You cannot change that and you never will. So don’t let yourself believe that those things are under your control. Those things don’t interrupt your “flow” because they are your flow.
Finding our “flow”, is instead about learning to navigate all that life is. Learning to flow through the ups and the downs, with them, and progressing through it all. Finding the stability through it ALL - not just when things are going your way or according to plan.
There’s a second word in both of these definitions…it’s not just about a continuous stream, or a continuous flow…but also a steady one. So that to me is the actual goal. Not finding my stride or hitting my checkpoints, but maintaining a steady stream. Remaining constant in who I am through it all, showing myself compassion, and finding my balance. Letting both the highs and the lows resonate in my life. Finding my “flow” with BOTH of them in the equation.
So even when the curveballs come your way, the unexpected things that seemingly “throw you off track,” remember it is all a part of your “flow”. Allow yourself the flexibility. Allow your structure to bend and your schedule to adjust. Don’t hold yourself to the rigid constructs you once put up and judge yourself by them. Things are going to shift - over the year especially, but also in your day to day and week to week.
Keep yourself organized, find a way to hold your focus, and achieve your goals, but know that your “flow” encompasses everything - not just the positives, not just the strides. Be kind to yourself in the in between. In the life of it all.
Whatever your ideal “flow” used to look like, maybe it’s time to find a new ideal.
I empower you to find, and go with, your flow.
